Life and Times of Sasha Fierce

the one where i am contemplating

Posted on: August 28, 2010

i read this statement in a magazine today and it gave me pause: marriage isn’t about being happy. it’s about having a witness to your life – to your friends, your work, your pet, your life.

i think that is a very interesting and atypical way of looking at the institution of marriage. i wonder if that view should also fit for relationships – they aren’t necessarily about being happy, but rather about having a witness to everything else in your life that makes you happy. the author of the above quote was implying that people shouldn’t divorce because of a lack of happiness, because that isn’t the point. which then begs the question, should one stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy? if there is a general level of discontent coupled with a lot of other great things and if one has other things in your life that make you happy, should you just keep on trucking?

i’m thinking about all of this because yesterday i broke up with the man i had been seeing. you know, the one who has been pulling ridiculous shit that infuriates me. but also the one who remembers every single thing i tell him and makes me laugh and always insists on walking me home and never lets me pay for anything and looks at me like i’m the only person in the room and tells me stuff about him and his family that i’m pretty sure very few people know and just makes me feel good. i felt strongly that all that stuff wasn’t enough for me. but was i expecting too much? was i expecting him to make me happy instead of simply share in my happiness?

no, i think i made the right decision and did the right thing. i’m just having a little seller’s remorse. now that i’ve sold the shack, it looks like a palace. i know myself and i know what i can and can not handle. and so, life moves on. it always does.

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1 Response to "the one where i am contemplating"

i feel like there is a lot here to think about. my thought, at least right now, and you know how my thoughts are always changing, is that you shouldn’t expect your partner to be the source of all of your happiness. you obviously have to have stuff outside of that. and part of what you are each bringing to the relationship is those external sources of happiness. but you should be able to share those things with the other person, which should bring you happiness. and i still think that they should bring you some happiness! if not, what’s the point? and they certainly shouldn’t make you unhappy! i mean, you don’t keep friends around who are just bringing you down. and i know that’s different, but in a lot of ways, you already have people who are a witness to your life and if you’re going to bring someone into that, then yes, i say they should be a part of your happiness. obviously it’s different once you’ve committed to one another and a life together, and you have to work on things. but you also need someone who is willing to work on things with you.

i am rambling, aren’t i?

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  • Laura: i feel like there is a lot here to think about. my thought, at least right now, and you know how my thoughts are always changing, is that you shouldn
  • CeCe: This dude sucks! There is only so much wrong a person can do before they've undone all the good that led up to that point. You are a better person tha
  • CeCe: I can see why you're pissed. Diplomatically, I must say there are always two sides to every story, but this dude sucks! You can find a person in the b

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