Life and Times of Sasha Fierce

Archive for January 2009

tonight MJ has put together a little “farewell dinner” and i’m really looking forward to it. the packing has been moving along nicely and its a little nuts that i’m actually leaving in a couple of days. i’m really excited, though.


i’m pretty certain that this summer i’ll move in with LS BFF, which is kind of a dream come true. in the interim, i’ll be kicking it with the Parents. as long as they install cable and a dvr in my bedroom, i’m sure this can work. 

BFF is coming friday morning to help with the move and i swear i will be COMPLETELY packed up before then. i’m getting very very close. 

in other news, i’m in a wedding in may and am searching for a date — if you’ve got any leads, hit me up! 🙂

so the Banker and i had dinner tonight. and now after its all said and done, all i really feel is sad. we met, had a nice dinner and for 3/4s of the evening we avoided any heavy discussion. then he decided to tell me how he felt “hurt” that i had cut him out of my life. so, i had to tell him. i told him how i was so upset by his treatment of me following the time we stopped dating, and how he did things i would never, ever do. i also told him that if i wasn’t moving, we wouldn’t be sitting there having dinner. i didn’t go into detail, but i did mention a few things i thought were particularly shitty and told him that because i his behavior, i purposefully cut him out of my life. of course, he apologized but i stopped him in the middle of it and told him that it doesn’t matter what is said now and besides, hearing him apologize just makes me so angry. 


so i said my peace. and we moved on with dinner. overall it was nice. 

but, i do feel sad. it was just so easy ignoring him and not dealing with him. but seeing him and talking to him and laughing with him. it just hurts my heart, i swear. i just still wish that things could’ve been different, that he could’ve been different. i know and accept the reality of the situation,  but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. 

sigh.


oh goodness. i haven’t spent much time talking about the Ex. some of you know him and were around when we were dating (college and then some). the Ex and i dated from november of my first year of college until spring of my senior year. we officially broke up but then continued to travel together, speak daily, etc until august of 2006. that was when we REALLY stopped acting like we were in a relationship. the Ex had met someone new and was going to give it a go with her. as for me, i was in my 3L year at UVA and ready to party! so we toned things way back and proceeded to just be friends. of course, like anything else, there have been complications along the way. the Ex and i were extremely close when we dated. we spent lots of time with each others families and i loved his family, he loved mine and our respective families loved each other (which, if you know my dad says a LOT). the Ex was in a very bad car accident the summer of 2003 and afterwards, i essentially moved into his apartment for a month while he recovered. it was a big deal for me at the time to tell my father that i was moving in with my boyfriend. but what was amazing was that my dad didn’t say a word. in fact, after the Ex and i broke up and he moved back to california, my dad actually called him and offered to buy him a plane ticket to fly to atlanta for my college graduation. i am still amazed by how much my dad liked the Ex. not because the Ex wasn’t a great man, but because my dad is TOUGH! 


anyway, after the Ex and i were finally really truly done, it was complicated still. there were still all these feelings but each of us moved on to other people. i finished law school, moved to alabama, dated some loser for awhile and then the Banker. the Ex moved back to atlanta, continued dating that same girl and eventually asked her to marry him. i thought it was going to be crazy difficult to hear that the Ex was engaged, but it was okay. of course, i think i’ll feel much differently when he actually gets married (august) but for now i’m okay.

but here’s the thing. the Ex and i both want to maintain a friendship. so although we don’t talk on the phone, we email and text regularly. we had lunch once this past summer when i was in atlanta and it was nice. he didn’t tell his fiance, which i thought was weird, but hey, not my place. then the weekend of the SEC championship i was in atlanta to celebrate the game (ugh, even though the game didn’t turn out like i wanted…still ROLL TIDE!) and told him i was in town. he drove across town to meet me at the bar where i was watching the game, and  when he finally got there he asked about the Banker. i told him that the Banker and i weren’t dating anymore and he instantly became uncomfortable and said that he couldn’t stay because i was drunk (may or may not have been true) and i was single. so that was a bit weird, but again, he’s engaged, i am single…i understand that he needs to do what he needs to do. 

so anyway, since then we’ve been texting some and emailing more. in fact, over the past week or so, we’ve been emailing quite a bit. most of it is pretty innocuous normal stuff. but occasionally, there will be a flirtatious line here or there. and i know that he doesn’t tell his fiance that we still communicate and i’m just starting to feel like this is dangerous ground. even though everything has been above board, i just have a feeling…

i can’t explain it, but i feel like something is happening. i know that doesn’t make any sense, but its how i feel. 

in other possibly poor decisions, the Banker and i are having dinner this evening. i know for a fact that this dinner is playing with fire. if he says the wrong thing, i have no doubt that i will tell him every single negative thing i think about him. and i really don’t want to do that. i want to have a nice, reasonably calm dinner and then be done. goodness. i have got to get it together.

but rest assured about one thing — i will look amazing this evening. the Banker will be suffering 🙂

yes. you read that correctly. i’ve decided that i am going to see the Banker before i move to dc. yes, i am beyond unhappy with how things went down over the past couple of months but i know that i would regret moving 800 miles away without telling him face to face. as MJ said, if the shoe was on the other foot, i would be quite upset if he moved away without a word. 


to all the naysayers, (and i know there will be naysayers) understand that i DO know exactly what i’m getting myself into. i realize that i will never get the kind of response i want from him. i know that he’s not going to turn to me and admit being an asshole and treating me like shit, etc. i completely understand that. but the fact is, seeing him is the right thing to do. and more importantly, it is what i want to do. 

so we are having lunch on monday afternoon. he did not go to last night’s dinner, so i had to set up lunch. he seems super eager, which isn’t surprising considering i’ve been ignoring him for the past month or so. 

if i don’t see him i know i will feel as if our story is somehow incomplete. seeing him won’t really change anything, but it’s going to happen eventually and i’d prefer to do it on my terms.

so…this evening i was out celebrating a girlfriend’s birthday and the Banker called me. per usual, i ignored his call. he left a message, asking me to call and declared “i guess we aren’t friends anymore”. i texted him about an hour later, saying “what’s up?” he replied by asking why can’t i call him. i responded that i was tied up right now, but didn’t want to ignore his call. his text message back was priceless. he wrote (and i quote): “so call when ur not. what the fuck is up with u. never seen no shit like this weird.” i couldn’t stop smiling. not because he was all out of sorts, but because i knew that i was doing the right thing. he could not handle me ignoring his calls and refusing his invitations to hang out, come up, etc. i am finally doing things that make me feel better and am not worried about how he will take my actions and while i am feeling great, clearly he is frustrated as all hell.


and i’ll be honest, it felt good. i am not setting out to hurt him, but i think that he acting like an ass after we stopped dating and i don’t have the time to deal with people who treat me poorly. i am too fucking fabulous to waste time with people who don’t appreciate it. so i’ve been ignoring him because i have no desire to deal with him either face to face or via telephone. and now its freaking him out because he is not getting what he wants on his terms. 

um, welcome to my world, bitch.

dc was fantastic. we had the best time. we got in saturday afternoon, and saturday night we went to love (a huge club in the city). it was great. we saw stevie wonder there!!! i may or may not have screamed a little when i saw stevie (and i’m normally never a groupie, but i swear i couldn’t help it). we also caught sight of p. diddy (stevie was much more exciting) and deshawn show from real housewives of atlanta. then on sunday we went with my mom down to the national mall for the we are one concert. it was amazing to see all those people. it was really really cool – and cold! but we had a wonderful time. later sunday night we went to park. and that was excellent. we danced a little bit and then set up shop in one of the stairwells and just talked to people all night. it was so fun. and not just because i was a little bit drunk. it was just cool to meet lots of guys 🙂 and to flirt w/really attractive men. i had a great time. oh yeah, we saw bow wow at park, but he’s such a little kid, i just couldn’t get that excited about it.


monday we drove into the city to LS BFF’s house and posted up there to get ready for tuesday’s events. we got down to the capitol about 830am on tuesday and found a great spot next to MSNBC’s setup (i got to see rachel maddow!!!). it was absolutely incredible to be among millions of people during that historic day. when obama was giving his speech, i admit i got a little teary eyed. it is still so amazing to see and hear words from the first black president. i can’t put all the emotion surrounding it into words. absolutely incredible.

so now i’m back in bama for the next week. that is incredible. i can’t believe i’m moving in a week. mainly because i’m sitting on my ass, not packing! of course, as always, it will get done. slowly, but surely.

in other news, while out drunk sunday night, i sent the Banker one text message. he responded, but i never replied to his response. and then a day or so later he called me and i didn’t respond. turns out we are both invited to a dinner this upcoming saturday. i’m going and have no idea if he’s going or not. but it’s a small enough dinner that if he does go, i’ll definitely see him and speak to him. i’ve decided to just be prepared for anything including him flying in his new chick just to piss me off. so i’m ready. he can come, he can bring her, he can bring someone else, he can not come. either way, i’m going to be pleasant and polite. hey, i was born in the south – it’s what we do 🙂

real quick, i’m sorry i’ve been MIA – i’m in DC for the inauguration and having an EXCELLENT time. i’ll provide a full update once i’m back in bama…until then, happy martin luther king, jr. day and go obama!


and, yes, being in DC this weekend is making me excited for the romantic possibilities 🙂


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